A man walks down the street, it´s a street in a strange world, maybe it´s the third world, maybe it´s his first time around...

I´ve been in Peru for about 2 weeks now, and right now it´s hard to articulate what´s been happening. I´m still processing so much of it. I´ve had 3 ayahuasca ceremonies so far, and each one has been quite different. I´ve also been meeting lots of people, people who have come to seek similar things. Everyone has been really wonderful.

The first week was really hard, I was racked with doubt about being here, and was experiencing a lot of fear surrounding ayahuasca and other uncomfortable things about my new living situation. But I persisted, and now it´s been about 2 weeks and I am feeling much more comfortable and peaceful regarding my experience here.

The group from Juan´s house went into the jungle today, and Justin and I decided to stay here. We´re going to do other plant medicine remedies & most likely go into the jungle next week. Even though I know it´ll be a hard trip, I am really looking forward to experiencing the jungle and the peace that it has to offer.

Everything is so new, but I am getting more used to the culture & the way things are done here. It feels much more familiar and for that I am glad. America seems like a dream. Similarly, my past seems like something that never happened. I have always been in Peru. I think that is a product of living in the present moment.

Like I said, things are still being processed...I have seen & done so much. But know that I am glad to be here, to be alive, and to be experiencing such joyous and difficult things, even if I may not feel that way in the moment. I feel like day by day I am peeling off layers of myself, like an onion, and seeing the beauty that´s inside. Of course, it is difficult to peel off these layers, and incredibly painful at times, but afterward I always feel stronger & more purposeful.
I hope everyone is well & happy.

Send me on my way...

So I'm off to Peru tomorrow morning...

There are definitely mixed emotions present right now: joy, sorrow, excitement, gratitude, and so on and so forth. I'm so excited for the adventure that lies ahead of me, so gracious for the experiences that have led me to this point, a bit sad about what I'm leaving, and joyful for it all. It's all part of the flowing stream that we all drink from. And, as I'm re-discovering, it's all so beautiful. Even the mundane, "boring," practical stuff.

So here I go. I take with me few possessions, a mind full of memories & knowledge, joy in my heart, and hope for the best. I'll be blogging from down there whenever I get a chance, and I'll also do as much journaling as possible. My brother's blog (dharmafarmer.blogspot.com) will have a lot of pictures, and I'll also try to post some on here too. I hope you all have a wonderful 2 months, and feel free to e-mail me (nikki.sarno@gmail.com), as e-mail will be my primary form of communication.
Take care, be well, and stay strong.

With Love,
Nikki

Where will I find you?

I just wrote this poem...titled "Where Will I Find You?"

I've been feeling...well, emotional, and then I started listening to some of my friend Tony's music & I became inspired to create art out of my pain. So here it is, I hope you like it.

It’s true
A part of me fell in love
I can’t deny it
Touching your face
Dark, rough, beautiful
The memory plays in my head
Like a bittersweet movie
The ending comes too soon
Not enough time
Where will I find you?
In the dark, across the world?
In my mind, for now.
I yearn to reach out & touch you
Like I did that night
Through the dark, through my fear
Through the resistance
To feel your soft skin with my trembling arm
You make me tremble
Where will I find you?
In the dark, across the world….
In my mind, for now.
I will come back to you
Your soft skin, rough face
To once again reach out in the dark
And find you.
Until then…
You’re in my mind & across the world.
--------------------

I'm not sure if the person who inspired it will ever read this, but if he does...well. I hope he likes it, too.

with love,
nikki